Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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