you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
