i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
