I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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