i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
