sarcasm needs its own font
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
