i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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