I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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