Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
