Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
