i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
