if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
