if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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