I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
