I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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