He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We left the knife in your bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
