who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
