I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
