i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
