So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
