don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
