but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like eating out sand paper
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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