If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You can't just leave with hair like that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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