If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
