So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
