What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
