He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
