So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
