my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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