hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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