I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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