My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
