is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
