dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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