Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
