Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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