She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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