i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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