So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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