Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Someone signed my nipple.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And then he peed in my hair
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
