dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
