Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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