I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
