Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
