I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
