I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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