She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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