You really coming over, don't trick.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
