it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Need sex. Gaining weight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
