Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
