that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
