I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he quoted the bible to break up with me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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