i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
